family, self

Here comes trouble

1st July 2009 my maternal grandfather passed away. He was 82.Nine years on and I still struggle with not having him here. A friends grandmother passed away recently and it hit me again how much of my life my papa hasn’t seen. He didn’t meet Ben, he wasn’t there for my wedding, he doesn’t know about my job or life any more.When they moved up to Arbroath in their later years, I’d go weekly to see Gran & Papa, it would often just be sitting and reading the papers but it was something I liked. He taught me the phrase “Quietly confident” and always had our welfare and happiness at his core. No one comes close to him. I hope I’m even half the man he was when (if) I’m a grandparent.So many times I look at Ben and think “You are just like Papa”, they would have gotten on like a house of fire. That photo is a standard for Papa & I; it was the mid/late 80s, there were no such thing as tablets, mobiles, or even home PCs (within reason). Fun and enjoyment was playing with toys or making up adventures, playing with his incredible model trains set, riding my bike (that he along with my father taught me how), playing in the park, or just enjoying time together. Ben would be the same with Papa. He loves his toy car, dinosaurs, playing in the garden, making up adventures and stories. They are both so concerned about others, having fun, and making people feel loved.When he passed, my life was a mess. It was that summer that I decided to give up with University and just work full time at Tesco. A few months before he died, I was telling him about how I wasn’t sure how to finish university and how it wouldn’t give me the “papers” I needed to do what I wanted. In his measured way, he told me “If it isn’t working out, don’t push yourself. Work on what you want to do”. He “didn’t understand computers” but he knew I had a technical leaning. I’d failed at Dentistry, Behavioural Science was marmite to me and depression didn’t help when you’re doing something just to please others. He knew that. It wasn’t an overnight success but I’m now happier that I’ve ever been in my career.Nine years is over a quarter of my life.

1 thought on “Here comes trouble”

  1. It’s so difficult right! This spring was 10 years since my grandma passed, and next year it will be ten years since my granddad passed.

    It’s tough to know my grandma will never know I went back to uni and if I get married she won’t be there or meet any of my children but I’m grateful that I got to spend 20 years of my life with her and have some incredible memories just like you do!

    Liked by 1 person

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